What Healing Really Looks Like

Ritika Lashkari

If you’re on a healing journey—whether it’s through therapy, setting boundaries, or simply trying to understand yourself better—you’ve probably had this expectation: once you start, you’ll feel better in a straight, upward path. Like:

  • You start working on yourself.
  • You feel better.
  • You keep growing.
  • And, eventually, you’re “healed.”

But here’s the reality that many of us realize the hard way: Healing isn’t linear. It doesn’t follow a checklist. It’s messy, unpredictable, and yes, sometimes you’ll take steps backward. And that’s okay.

One day, you might feel great. The next, you find yourself falling back into old patterns or feeling overwhelmed by emotions you thought you had moved past. In those moments, it’s easy to feel like you’ve failed or that you’re back at square one.

But here’s the truth: You’re not starting over. You’re simply moving through the healing process, which happens in cycles.

Healing journey

Why Does Healing Feel Like a Rollercoaster?

We live in a world that loves progress. We track every step, count down every day, and expect measurable results. So when we work on ourselves and start feeling down again, we often think we’ve lost all our progress.

But here’s the thing: Progress isn’t always visible. Sometimes, the real growth is happening quietly behind the scenes—like the way you react less intensely the next time something triggers you, or how you show up differently after something hurts.

Nonlinear healing isn’t about ignoring the setbacks. It’s about recognizing that these setbacks are part of the journey—and they don’t erase your progress.

What Does Nonlinear Healing Really Look Like?

It’s not a straight path. It can look like:

  • Suddenly feeling anxious again, even though you’ve been fine for months.
  • Missing someone you thought you were totally over.
  • Reacting more strongly to something that usually wouldn’t bother you.
  • Having bad mental health days, even though you’re in therapy.

These aren’t signs of failure. They’re a natural part of the healing process. Healing doesn’t erase your past—it helps you hold it differently.

Why what might feel like backward steps are not failure:

  1. You’re Reassessing with New Awareness
    That “setback” you’re experiencing might just be your brain showing you a deeper layer of a wound you weren’t ready to process before. The sadness you’re feeling? It’s a sign you’re now capable of understanding and working through it.

  2. You’re Learning to Respond Differently
    Even if you had a difficult moment, did you notice it sooner? Did you pause before reacting, or reach out for support instead of isolating yourself? That’s growth. Healing shows up in those small moments of awareness and action.

  3. Healing Happens in Cycles
    Trauma, grief, and anxiety aren’t linear experiences. They come and go in waves. You might revisit the same emotional wound multiple times, and that’s normal. The brain works through emotions gradually, and sometimes, it takes revisiting them to fully process and heal.

    So, What Do You Do When You Feel Like You’ve Slipped?

    1. Pause the Self-Judgment
      Feeling frustrated is natural when old emotions resurface. But shame doesn’t help. Instead of asking, “Why am I back here?” try asking, “What part of me still needs support?”

    2. Check In With Yourself
      Reflect gently:

      • What triggered me today?

      • What do I need right now?

      • Have I been hard on myself lately?

    Self-awareness doesn’t fix everything in a second, but it builds trust in yourself, and that’s key for healing.

    1. Remind Yourself This Moment is Temporary
      No feeling is permanent. The heaviness you’re feeling? It will pass. You’ve been through tough times before and made it out stronger, and you’ll do it again. This setback is just another wave. Let it move through you.

    2. Reach Out for Support
      You don’t need a crisis to ask for help. Just saying, “I feel off today” is enough. Whether it’s a therapist, a friend, or a support group, reaching out doesn’t have to be for a “big” reason. It’s about being honest with yourself and letting others in.

      What Does Healing Really Look Like?

      Healing often looks like:

      • Crying and feeling proud of yourself for not bottling it up.

      • Having a day off and resting and being okay with it.

      • Noticing your triggers and choosing compassion instead of self-blame.

      • Realizing that you won’t bounce back overnight—and being okay with that.

      It’s not glamorous or Instagrammable. It’s quiet. It’s daily. And it’s yours.

Gentle Truths to Hold Onto When You Feel Like You’ve Gone Backwards

  • You are still healing, even on days it doesn’t feel like it.
  • You are not defined by your lowest moments.
  • You are doing better than you think.
  • You are allowed to take up space, even when you’re struggling.
  • You are not failing—you are feeling. And that’s perfectly normal.

Final Words: You’re Not Starting Over

If you’re in a phase where everything feels heavier again, remember this: You’re not back at square one. You’re not broken, and you’re not doing it wrong. You’re in the middle of it—and this is where the real healing happens.

Take your time. Rest. Be gentle with yourself. Because healing isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about showing up for yourself, through every up and down.

And the fact that you’re reading this right now, choosing to show up for your own journey? That’s everything.

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