What is attachment style?

Ritika Lashkari

Ever found yourself pulling away just when someone gets close? Or maybe you cling tighter the more distant someone becomes?

The way you show up in love might feel messy, but there’s a reason for it. You’re likely moving through an attachment style you didn’t choose — one that helped you survive.

In this blog, let us explore
What are attachment styles

  • Three types of attachment styles:
  1. Anxious: Craves closeness, fears abandonment, often overthinks.
  2. Avoidant: Fears intimacy, needs space, avoids vulnerability.
  3. Disorganized: Fears and desires love simultaneously, often due to trauma.

Let’s dive in. 
What is attachment style?

It’s basically the way your brain and body learned to respond to closeness, love, and conflict — based on how you were cared for as a child. If love felt safe, you probably learned to trust it. If love felt confusing, distant, or scary — you adapted.

Your nervous system stored those experiences, and now those responses show up in your adult relationships.

Types of attachment styles
1. Anxious attachment style

This one often comes from inconsistent love — where you didn’t know if someone was going to be there for you or not.
Have you ever felt or said this: “Please don’t leave. I promise I’ll be easy to love.”

You might:

  • Overthink every text
  • Feel panicky when someone takes space
  • Struggle with jealousy
  • Constantly ask, “Do you still love me?”
  • Feel like you’re always too much

Know that, you’re not needy. You just want to feel safe — and your nervous system is still on high alert, waiting for love to leave.

For example: If you notice yourself struggle when your partner asks for space, try using this journal prompt

What parts of myself do I feel I have to shrink to be loved?

Healing Tip:
Begin noticing when you equate space with rejection. Remind yourself: Closeness isn’t something you have to beg for. The right person won’t make you question your worth.

What is an attachment style?

2. Avoidant Attachment

This one usually comes from emotional distance — when expressing feelings wasn’t safe or welcomed.

You might:

  • Feel smothered when people get too close
  • Avoid vulnerability
  • Pull away when you care too much
  • Struggle to say “I need help”
  • Prefer to process alone

    You may feel the above because deep down, you learnt that needing someone might lead to being let down.

    Use the Journal Prompt to reflect on why you feel what you feel:
    When did I first feel like I had to handle everything by myself?

    What helps:
    Slowly letting safe people in.
    Reminding yourself: needing connection doesn’t make you weak.

    3. Disorganized attachment style

    This is the hardest one. It often comes from trauma — especially if love and fear came from the same person.

    You might:

    • Crave love but fear it
    • Get overwhelmed by closeness
    • Push and pull in relationships
    • Feel intense highs and lows
    • Struggle to trust even when people are kind

    Know that this isn’t your fault. Your nervous system is just confused. Love wasn’t safe — so even now, your body doesn’t know whether to lean in or run.

    Use the journal prompt:
    What has love looked like for me in the past? Was it something that felt calm — or something that hurt?

    What helps:
    Letting healing happen in little ways.
    Safe friendships. Good therapy. Reminders that not all love has to hurt.

    So… Can You Change Your Attachment Style?

    Yes. That’s the most hopeful part of all of this.

    The way you learned love isn’t the way you have to keep doing it.
    With awareness and support, your brain rewires.
    Your body softens.
    Your walls come down — not all at once, but slowly.

    You start showing up differently.
    You stop chasing people who make you feel unsafe.
    You start staying when it’s good.
    You start leaving when it’s not.

    That’s healing.

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