What If Struggling Means You're Growing, Not Failing?

Ritika Lashkari

In a world obsessed with success, it’s easy to mistake struggling for failing. We see curated lives on social media, pressure ourselves to always be productive, and often feel like something’s wrong when life feels hard. But here’s a radical truth: Struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it might mean you’re finally doing it right. Let’s explore how reframing your struggles can lead to real, sustainable growth and deeper self-connection.

What If Struggling Means You're Growing, Not Failing?

Key Takeaways

  • Struggle is not a sign of failure; it’s often a symptom of growth.

  • Social comparison, perfectionism, and shame distort our perception of progress.

  • Reframing how we view struggle helps build emotional resilience.

  • Small, compassionate steps forward matter more than perfection.

  • Practical tools can help you anchor yourself during overwhelming times.

The Success Myth: Why We Confuse Struggle with Failure

From childhood, many of us absorb a dangerous myth: that success should be linear. We expect healing, career growth, or personal development to happen in a straight, upward line. So when life gets chaotic, when we hit a plateau or fall down, we think we’re failing.

But real life doesn’t work that way. Growth is messy. Progress is non-linear. True transformation often looks like one step forward, two steps sideways, and a whole lot of emotional unpacking. Struggle is not the enemy—unrealistic expectations are. So let us take a pause to understand the difference between struggle and failure, what struggle is and narratives around it. 

Why We Internalize Struggle as Failure

  1. Comparison Culture
    With social media becoming our way of life, it impacts us much more than we think it does. It shows us the highlight reels of others’ lives. As a result we compare our behind-the-scenes footage to someone else’s polished success story—and then wonder why we feel like we’re not enough.
    Truth bomb: You can’t measure your worth using someone else’s timeline.

  2. Perfectionism
    Perfectionism tells us that anything less than flawless means we’ve failed. But healing, learning, and living fully all come with mistakes and missteps.
    Progress isn’t perfect—it’s real, raw, and often uncomfortable.

  3. Shame Narratives
    Our conditioning or societal expectations made us believe that  struggling is a sign of weakness. That we’re not trying hard enough. But struggle doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you care, you’re trying, and you’re brave enough to keep showing up.

    Struggling might mean you’re healing old wounds, setting new boundaries, taking emotional risks, or learning skills you’ve never been taught before.

    Think of it like this:

    • Muscles ache when they’re growing.

    • Hearts hurt when they open.

    • Minds resist when beliefs are changing.

      So consider struggle as an indicator of growth.

      Here are practical tips, with actionable items that you can implement right away. They are designed to be easy to change narrative that will help you redefine success. 

       

  1. Anchor Yourself: Name three small things you’re doing well today.

Why it’s important:

  • It shifts your focus from what’s wrong to what’s working.

  • It builds confidence and reminds you that you’re not doing as badly as you think.

Example:
You made your bed, answered a text, and took your medicine—these are wins.

Actionable Items:

  • Before going to bed, write down 3 small wins in your phone or a journal.

  • Start a sticky note called “I did this today.”

  • Say out loud: “I’m proud I did __.” Speaking it helps it sink in.

2. Connect: Reach out to someone. Even a text can help you feel less alone.

Why it’s important:

  • Humans are social animals, isolation intensifies struggle; connection lightens the load.

  • Even brief check-ins can remind you that you matter.

Example:
You message a friend: “Thinking of you.” They reply: “Same here—let’s talk soon.”

Actionable Items:

  • Text someone: “I could use a quick chat.”

  • Send a voice note to someone you trust.

  • Reply to a friend’s post to spark a light connection.

3. Rest on Purpose: Your nervous system needs recovery—not just sleep, but gentleness.

Why it’s important:

  • Your body can’t heal in constant survival mode.

  • Rest helps you respond rather than react to stress.

Example:
You pause for 10 minutes, eyes closed, take deep breaths and open your eyes to resume to your tasks. 

Actionable Items:

  • Take a phone-free 10-minute breather.

  • Soften your body—drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

  • Say “No” to something non-essential today.

4. Reconnect to Your “Why”: Remind yourself of what you value and why this journey matters.

Why it’s important:

  • Your “why” gives meaning to your struggle.

  • It helps you keep going when things feel pointless.

Example:
You remind yourself: “I’m doing this healing work so I don’t pass my pain forward.”

Actionable Items:

  • Write: “I’m doing this because I want __.”

  • Look at a photo or quote that inspires you.

  • Say: “This is hard, but it matters.”

5. Stay Present

Why it’s important:

  • Focusing on the big picture can overwhelm your nervous system.

  • The next small step keeps you grounded and moving.

Example:
You don’t need to plan the whole year. Start small and plan your week. 

Actionable Items:

  • Ask: “What’s the next right thing?” Then do it.

  • Use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique.

  • Set a timer for 15 minutes and start with one task.

    Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re learning, and you’re in the thick of transformation.

    Struggle is not the opposite of success—it’s part of it.

    So if you’re in a hard season, know this:
    You are not weak. You are not broken. You are not behind.

    You are in progress.
    You are evolving.
    And you are doing better than you think.

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